If you’re not working on your marriage, you’re working on your divorce. That's what the Oola guys Dave and Troy always say. And I didn't know this until it was staring me in face 10+ years ago.
When I realized I had lived my life for someone else and was just checking the boxes to meet the expectations society puts on us, I started to really evaluate the choices I made up to that point. It turns out that my first marriage was something I thought I should do instead of something I felt passionate about.
It was a hard lesson to learn but ultimately it was a good lesson for the both of us. It really allowed us to do a deep dive on ourselves as individuals and start to figure out what we really wanted in life and who we really were.
Then I met my soul mate. I know that sounds kind of corny, but if you've been there you just know. If you haven't been there, listen to your heart - it will tell you all you need to know.
Things flowed so easily and I think one of the misconceptions we both had was that because it felt so easy, and WAS so easy, that we'd never have to work for our marriage.
WRONG. Wrong. Wrong. LOL.
This realization didn't come easily. In fact, it came with many arguments and misunderstandings, but also many conversations. What we learned was that as humans, we are always expanding our minds. We don't necessarily become different people, but we do evolve over time. We get curious about life, work, kids....even food. And it is work to continue to be in communication, to share what is on our minds, to share our opinions and to talk through life.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and even when your both exhausted, and haven't "seen" each other through the chaos of parenthood or work in days....the time you choose to spend communicate, that's the work.
The longer you go without communicating, the easier it gets to NOT communicate, but the harder your marriage will be. Don't ever tell yourself that because you have to work at your marriage it's not worth it. It's ALWAYS worth it as long as you're aligned.
Cheers to working on your marriage/relationship!