If you’re not working on your marriage, you’re working on your divorce. That's what the Oola guys Dave and Troy always say. And I didn't know this until it was staring me in face 10+ years ago.
When I realized I had lived my life for someone else and was just checking the boxes to meet the expectations society puts on us, I started to really evaluate the choices I made up to that point. It turns out that my first marriage was something I thought I should do instead of something I felt passionate about.
It was a hard lesson to learn but ultimately it was a good lesson for the both of us. It really allowed us to do a deep dive on ourselves as individuals and start to figure out what we really wanted in life and who we really were.
Then I met my soul mate. I know that sounds kind of corny, but if you've been there you just know. If you haven't been there, listen to your heart - it will tell you all you need to know.
Things flowed so easily and I think one of the misconceptions we both had was that because it felt so easy, and WAS so easy, that we'd never have to work for our marriage.
WRONG. Wrong. Wrong. LOL.
This realization didn't come easily. In fact, it came with many arguments and misunderstandings, but also many conversations. What we learned was that as humans, we are always expanding our minds. We don't necessarily become different people, but we do evolve over time. We get curious about life, work, kids....even food. And it is work to continue to be in communication, to share what is on our minds, to share our opinions and to talk through life.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and even when your both exhausted, and haven't "seen" each other through the chaos of parenthood or work in days....the time you choose to spend communicate, that's the work.
The longer you go without communicating, the easier it gets to NOT communicate, but the harder your marriage will be. Don't ever tell yourself that because you have to work at your marriage it's not worth it. It's ALWAYS worth it as long as you're aligned.
Cheers to working on your marriage/relationship!
Your family is your inner circle—the people you should turn to in tough times, but also the people who turn to YOU for the same reason. Imagine a family life that’s blissful . . . happy . . . balanced. Now, check in with yourself about your current family situation. Do you need to improve your marriage, calm a tense family situation, set better boundaries with the kids, or otherwise improve your closest family relationships? It can be one or all!
One of the toughest things my coaching clients have to work through is a family situation that’s stressful, heartbreaking or at the tipping point of crisis. Even worse are those parents who are so stressed in other areas that they’ve “checked out” of their kids’ lives and future.
The good news is that it’s absolutely possible to create the kind of balanced, happy and supportive family life you want and deserve. While long-term goals take time and commitment, some immediate ways to improve your household atmosphere are to:
• Schedule a date night this Saturday with your spouse
• Have that “difficult conversation” with your aging parent
• Cook dinner as a family at least three nights this week
• Establish a calm morning routine for younger children
• Set boundaries with your argumentative brother
If you need to show up differently and make some serious changes (in your family situation or any other category), I have good news: I’ve teamed up with Oola authors Dr. Dave Braun and Dr. Troy Amdahl to bring you a 10-week focused approach to creating a life that’s balanced, happy, and growing. Don't just dream about the ideal life you want. Start living it with Oola Coaching. Click now (or message me)!